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Feel Emotion and Lose Control





December 12th, 2012

Friends Only


This journal is friends only, please comment if you wish to be added, thanks, Craig. ^^

February 9th, 2008

On a lighter note

If you thought my last gloomy, doomy post was just far too much and you think I'm too unloved and am completely hate filled, this picture cheered me up insanely. ^^

w00t! Thanks to Tara for this. ^^

December 20th, 2007

Bitches love me or chu?


This video is lol.

Happy Birthday to mutilya tommorow! Expect a (very delayed) present in the mail due to all my personal and financial shit getting in the way of it coming on time but it'll be good I promise!

Mega thanks to Roos, Liz, Tara, Kerry-Anne, Antonia, Alice and all of those who've listened and supported me in one of the most difficult weeks in my life, thank you. ^^

ps. Sorry for spamming people's friends pages tonight, it's been a very big week for me.

December 12th, 2007

Neighbours Rave, lol


September 29th, 2007

Yay I'm all doomed part 2!

The Doofing Curse (Includes last nights last doof)Collapse )

September 8th, 2007


Gah, drama never ever seems to end at all, eh, seriously, add on top of this strange depressions and stress I’ve been dealing with recently which has somewhat calmed down I think with the help of my old meds. Also almost at a point of deciding my career and might make the final jump before the end of this month and omg, Earthdance is just a week away so I seriously can not wait for this event, with a new digital camera, expect lots of new pics from Earthdance in about a fortnight from now.

Drama continued to insue this weekend from all sorts of places, it’s virtually all nothing, some strange random shit which doesn’t really effect me and the old shit popping up again, argh. Got to go to a shitty party which involved the host passing out almost as soon as I got there and kicking everyone out at around 10pm, then the person I went with, ended up passing out at his own house at 11pm, everyone gives me shit for piking and then the one night I try to go out, gah, thank you karma, bwahaha. Ended up being a decent but pretty boring weekend.

I’m stuck in an RnB club this weekend, dear god help me, damn Amanda’s relatives, damn them, oh well The Ruby Room is near the casino and personally if I had my way, I’m going to see if I can find a way to watch live qualifying somehow, lol. Today has been good having checked out Appleseed which was a really amazing anime with glamorously beautiful action sequences and a very interesting plot centred around “Bioroids” which are humans with suppressed emotions who can’t feel hatred compared to the violent humans, the ending was a nice touch me thinks, squee.

Oh and I finally have my BDO money after 6 fucking months.........

May 12th, 2007


I just saw an ad on channel 7 trying to advertise a report they were doing on emo culture in their footage they showed close ups off...

- A Dimmu Borgir Shirt
- A pair of New Rocks
- A pair of Pink PVC Demonias

Worst of all, this was about 3 out of approximately 9 images, I swear 2 other images had gothic-esque fashion too.........

I'm not looking forward to this, as me and my girlfriend got called emos yesterday when she had hairfalls, a Nubia Jumper and bondage pants, while I was having my usual black/green spiked hair, Combichrist necklace, goggles and my Cyberdog top. Wow, nice to see theyy seem to put any research into an article like this but put a ridiculous amount of resources into following the daughter of a certain hotel owner.

EDIT: This gets very fucking personal since I found out one of my best friends actually possibly my best friend appeared on the ad....... Pink Demonias = emo, dear fucking god no........

EDIT2: turns out I know even more people in it, oh dear.......

April 24th, 2007

Because I fucking <3 u

As I said in the last (friends only) post, major apologies for all the stress I've been through and my mistreatment and ignorance of the majority of you, anyways this post is to those who truly mean a lot to me at the moment and I'm talking about my friends this year. Rather then to have this huge debate on whether or not people are in or not, I'll narrow it down to a few simple rules.

- This is only about 2007, going through every single freakin' person I've met throughout my entire life is time consuming and simply sort of pointless at this stage. However I do realise there are many people who've made huge and tremendous impacts in my life over the years and some who've just made my life just that general bit better, thank you but unfortunately this is not the time or post for this.
- I'm only counting people that I can actually have a conversation too, I don't care how cool you think I am or how cool I think you are, if we never spent any time together, then you're not on the list, easy, I've probably left some comment on your myspace saying, omg, you're cool or something lame anyways if you really wanted something......
- For my favourite 6, I tried my best in photoshop to make you all pretty, I probably failed but enjoy anyways!

To those who are on here and that I don't see too much off, I'm extremely sorry, I'm suffering from massive amounts of stress and my main cure is to free up more time to myself, which means I'm unlikely to see most of you all in the next month. However, I do plan to see a lot of you around June and the DDR day is planned for May for those interested.

== Actually, I swear I might have left various people out, I'm too stressed to think of everyone at this stage, sorry. :(

Friends 2007Collapse )

April 18th, 2007

Hair rape?

God damn it, still 3 weeks later, it's just as bad although trust me, the fact that I'm still sticking with all these people just shows how much I god damn fucking love them, probably best not to even mention drama again because it's just something I'm getting used to now. Saturday night was the best night I've ever had in a long time for many reasons. Getting very pissed and dancing to Combichrist, Angelspit, Euphoria and Vagabond was ridiculous amounts of fun. There were so many stupid highlights like raping Janine's sexy new hair, watching her fall of the couch, the important chats I had with everyone and a few things it's best I don't go there in regards to what I was doing with Amanda in front of everyone. :P

In terms of anyone wanting to come over and play DDR, forget about it, I'm barely finding anytime for myself to play these days, let alone getting people to come over, sorry. Not the best update but much fucking love for all my rave crew at the moment, seriously.

I have got the most busiest week ahead of me again, stressful but I'm loving my life a lot atm, so contacting me will be a god damn bitch again, sorry, trust me if it wasn't, I would have done a better update and the fact I'm updating @ 4:40am in the morning proves this. Despite this, senzii, if at all possible, I'll need to try to have a talk to you on Thursday, that would mean a lot to me, depending how today goes.


April 14th, 2007

(no subject)

Real update later when I have the time.....

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
My latest toy. :P

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Oh and yeah, I wasn't joking about being good at it. :P

Very happy right now and also tired but very happy. XD

April 8th, 2007

Easter stuff pt. 2

Friday night I ended up watching what had to be one of the whackest animes ever, it would be strange enough if it was really an anime as it was a mix of Final Fantasy X-2, Love Hina and the Power Rangers. It was actually a real life anime and it was so fucking whack and hilarious, seriously fuck Snakes on a Plane, (I've only had one person somewhat admit it's good, one person, haha). So mega thanks to Cherie and Aidan for renting that out, also ended up enjoying a Marilyn Manson DVD (strangely I liked it, XD), Hello Kitty, Napoleon Dynamite and it's not a night @ Cherie's house without pr0n and it's also not a decent day with Aidan without DDR, the first being horrible as usual and the second one, yeah, tired DDR is the lame, blah. Oh and sorry, I got no photos, was great to see those guys again.

Last Night, ended up hanging out with Ricky, Adam and Alice, a very strange night, overloaded with psytrance and just general chilling out, we ended up at what was one of the shittiest parties of the year where Adam did his best to try to mess with really drunken teenybopper skanks heads, kinda amusing for a while but I kinda called it an early night after that though. Arrived home to discover just that little bit more drama, argh, however I'm praying that this is really finally coming towards an end.

Tonight, hanging out with probably one of my least talked about closest friends Tom, food, alcohol, wii, grand prixs and Infected Mushroom, should be lots of fun plus I'm aware of a few people also coming down tonight, I'll definitely be sure to say hi. Oh and ask me about the drama at your own risk, I found it absolutely hilarious to explain to people last night. "Hey Craig, can you repeat the part about the things?" Haha. Also waking up to a rainy day today after a nice amount of really good sleep was just so beautiful.

Hahaha, apparently I've convinced a shitload of ravers to come to Combichrist.

ps. Argh, I'm absolutely hoping I can find a way to talk to Roos soon.

pps. Next weekend, still sorting out drama, hahaha, oh shit. XD

Oh and yes maybe some huge fuck off posts soon. :P

April 6th, 2007

Oh and one more thing

If you call me on a private number and I don't pick up, I'm not ignoring you, I just simply can't get to the phone, please if you really want to speak to me, don't call on a private number as I do have credit and can call you back if necessary, thanks, Craig. :)


Drama is over, well I don't really know, but I'm officially over it. I have Amanda, she means so god damn much to me and I really don't give much of a shit over all the drama everyone else wishes to continue to create over this. Although ironically despite all the arguing and shit between me and Janine over the past few weeks I sort of have oddly gotten closer to her though. Anyways, back to Amanda, Wednesday saw her sick, tired and obviously this put her in one of her worst moods ever, if I hadn't had this feeling so many god damn times already, it was certainly proof that this is really the right girl for me. Despite me being somewhat of an utter bitch we managed to have shitloads of fun, at the expense of me bruising her ass in public, hahaha, classic but once she gets better, I think I'm going to have far worse scars once she gets her revenge when she gets better though, eek. (I'm not complaining though, :P)If that was a bit too much, then best I don't go into Sunday night, hehe.

At the risk of over talking about her too much, things are still at an unbelievably amazing level that I first got excited about. One of her standout features appears to be this natural ability to make things work now, rather then having to hear about what could possibly be or what we could hope might happen or claiming to be this, nope, we just have everything working magically at the time and we've still got a long, long way to go, I can not understate how serious I am about this relationship despite my past ones. I'll do my best to bring her to Reset 2 as well, which honestly, *comic book guy of simpsons voice* worst name for a rave ever. She also wrote me the most prettiest thing ever which seriously was going to make me cry, it really is that start of a whole new life here.

Also triggering off the start to this new life. More money! I've been given an extra 90c/hour, this one is more significant because unlike my last one, this is a personal pay rise for my efforts compared to one everyone got last time. Not only that but I get extra money in my two days off! In result of my two days off, I've already started with the celebrations, I found one of my favourite anime DVD box sets for something like 67% off! If I wasn't going out with Amanda I would hell do Ebay right now just for that.

Also keep an eye out for something really uber insane game set that I swear virtually nobody here has done, few of you will get it and those who do, you can't beat me, seriously. No, it's not DDR, but if you want a hint, it's kinda close. With that said, I would absolutely love to combine with Amanda to do one hell of an insane gaming night in the future, but I'll see............

Thursday Night: Caught up with Liz and I got taken out of my natural environment of the arcade, rave or quite possibly Sin, I went to a trendy pub, lol. Liz made me go to her work and oddly enough I ended up having quite a bit of fun especially managing to cut a 80+ people queue go Liz! Spent 5pm earlier stomping on arrows to whack J-Trance which meant nothing as I ended up somewhat moshing away to ACDC tracks that night and omfg even a Pendulum tune as well. Even the Zoo weekly guys were there and they were complaining to us that the girls were just so well behaved that night but they found a few terrible drunks later that night. Overall good fun and honestly had fun with Liz and I seriously swear if I met her a few months earlier we would be like the closest of friends but that was impossible since I met her via Rhys anyways.

Friday Night; DDR stompoff against Aidan, shall be insane, missed GO3 championships so this is the next best thing, I'll be taking photos and sleeping over @ Cherie's house, I got damn fucking miss the two of them so I seriously can not wait for this later

Saturday: Seeing Alice and Adam I think, just have to get onto a phone call for all of this.

Sunday: Virus, Infected Mushroom, going with my friend Tom, watching the Malaysian GP before hand grabbing some food and then listening to some 'jews playing nyoongar trance', lol.

Monday: Amanda!!!!!!

ps. Anyone know long does it take for a surface piercing to heal up in general?

pps. Oh and if I had the time, this is just the beginning of a lot of fuck off long posts. XP

March 31st, 2007

I don't know why, I'm just in a really open mood at the moment, things have changed a lot recently and I just thought I'd just thought I'd put on a few not so well known facts and also a fair few misconceptions about a lot of things.......

- My favourite style of music revolves around TBM (Techno Body Music), Endzeit, Helektro, ffs it's not hardcore as much as I love it to bits and comes in at a close 2nd.......

- I am highly social in regards to the people I love, however I am extremely anti social to the majority of people. As pointed out in my last post, I simply have only oh so much time so I really don't care too much for people I can tell straight away I won't get along with or can barely maintain a conversation with. I might be known by a lot of people but at the end of the day, I have only a few close friends and not too many real friends but the most important thing is not how many but the fact I have some and honestly the more I have, the more stressed I am and harder for me to deal with life. I straight out told my best friend last year I would only deal with a few close friends ever then worry about everything and it's worked for the best.

- People constantly have a sad at me because I don't remember their name. Seriously, if you're some random I met while drugfucked at some rave 2 years ago, don't have a sad at me because I don't know your name, I'm horrible with names to begin with actually. This happens to me every month scarily.....

- I'm not bi, I'm not interested in going out with a guy, I'm not really straight either though, I really hate answering the question to my sexuality, short answer = straight, but it's kinda complex.

- I'm mostly atheistic but I'm highly interested in agnosticism, Buddhism, nihilism and I highly believe in anti-religion too.

- This year has really seen the evolution of a lot of my real side coming out, no holding back now and I don't hold back with bitching, arrogance, drama and annoyance. My nice side still obviously exists and people do think I'm a nice person but in short I'm no longer passive about my negative emotions as I used to be. This is very hard to notice unless you spend lots of time with me though. Although you may notice fuckloads more swearing, damn you fucking Combichrist!!!

- I do not hate my paranoia at all. As a matter a fact I use it to my advantage, even though I'm wrong sometimes, I am definitely able to pick up things a lot more easily then most. I've also clocked up hours in the triple digits in psychiatrists, I have a better idea of how the human mind works then the average person because of this.

- Don't let my myspace pics fool you, the amount of black I'm wearing is quite ridiculous these days.

- I'd pick Sin over a rave easily ignoring the social aspects (ie. Me knowing everyone at a rave and usually no one at Sin)

- My current group of friends are the best fucking group of friends ever, every single one of my past friendships got destroyed by miniscule dramas, I love how you are all fucking surviving this huge fucking mess, I fucking love you all to bits. I act the most purest and most like myself around them too as well compared to other best frineds in the past. I would love to be with them for a very fucking long time. (Same for my girlfriend but yeah, we had a god damn fucking whole post dedicated to her, remember!)

More to come soon...........

Not killing you off yet

I make extreme apologies to everyone not involved in this, I have not had a free moment to spare at all, as a matter a fact, even using all my time to deal with this, people involved in the drama have claimed I haven't spent enough time with them and have been ignoring them and one week later this still is even the case. I'm extremely sorry to senzii as I know we've had a wonderful friendship that has been temporarily stalled to a lack of time. Personally, I'm extremely sad at this for many reasons and I honestly think that she's the one who has lost most out of this sadly, I honestly don't know what our future holds after all this and heck it's still going so I'm praying that I can hold onto to a friendship which needs drastic attention and repairs, as soon as possible, simply being on the verge of losing every single one of my of best friends is taking priority and as for me being uber paranoid and highly fearful, the worst possible things I've predicted have come true, however also some of the best possible things have come true as well, simply, it's an utterly unpredictable out of control mess.

Quite simply, I'm very sorry to all those I haven't made time to at all, Alice, Adam, Ricky, Aidan, Cherie, James, Ella, Caroline, Liz, heck there's a lot of people I have to get around to seeing and it's been utterly impossible to find time before this drama, to get an idea of how much time I have to myself, my favourite chillout option is the PS2 but that simply hasn't been touched in about 8 or 9 days, despite being heavily addicted to an old F1 game, atm. Quite simply I'm on the meds I am at the moment for just helping me deal with what is a heavily stressful and busy life at the moment, hell, even my DDR abilities have dropped dramatically and I honestly love that game more then anything and the last time I played before I did with Amanda was like 9 days ago too, however I'm trying to get a really awesome set for my house but I have been doing this for over a month now, I'm not liking the idea of having to call the company up, it's in America, so I have to call them @ 5am in the morning, haha. On more serious things, if you're at Virus, I would love to catch up with you there. :)

You know what happened as soon as I got some sleep today, I got attacked by about 10 messages and multiple phone calls from all this drama, haha. Anyways, my point of this post is not a sympathy post at all, trust me, I'm hell enjoying life at the moment compared to the extremely boring days of my past and also I have somewhat chosen the path I have lead myself onto, so definitely I'm not asking people to feel sympathy for myself. If I seriously can find time, please do your best to make the most of it because I simply do not have much of in recent times at all.

"A light bulb goes out but people fix it get a new one. A light bulb goes out for a Catholic, he stands in the dark and says. 'What did I do wrong?'" Seriously, how fucking good is Tactical Sekt, squee.

ps. I can not believe how much better I look thanks to photoshop. XD

pps. I might try to organise some sort of gathering in the future just to be able to see everyone again possibly, train up your DDR, trust me, you'll need it. ;)

ppps. The resolution to this drama? Quite simply, I just really want the best for everyone, I'm trying my fucking hardest, it will happen eventually, just hang on everyone. :)

March 22nd, 2007

It hurts, it just hurts, XD

Minor update on career goals, not doing tech support, haha. Stupidity can be painfulCollapse )

March 1st, 2007

Let's make a myspace :)

Welcome to my guide on how to make a myspace (yes, this is a joke, btw). :)Click here to continueCollapse )

February 25th, 2007

(no subject)

Best fucking weekend ever!!!!!!!!

Combichrist are coming to Perth, mega fucking squee. (Officially confirmed too)

ps. Godspeed was meh.

pps. Did I mention Combichrist. XD

February 10th, 2007

It doesn't all add up

I was reading The West Australian today and one letter someone sent in shocked me and pissed me off dramatically. The letter was sent by a TAFE teacher who was teaching marine studies, which requires students to get to the end of year 12 in high school and average 'C' grades.

"At the start of the course I give the students a very simple test, one of the questions is as follows, a boat travels 4 nautical miles in 20 minutes, what is the speed of the boat? This year, 0 students got this question correct and only 3 correct with a calculator"


I'm was ranked in the top 1% of mathematics in year 10 and they were going to fail me in year 12. Wow, great system....................

ps. Glad to hear you had such a great time last night Roos, Godspeed sounds boring in comparison, *jealous*

February 2nd, 2007

So, where can I park my car tommorow for the BDO, before anyone says take a train, I don't finish work until after 3am in the morning, so that's not an option. Any suggestions? I can walk, but going through a big fuck off walk @ 3am isn't exactly the most fun or safest thing to do, plus I'll be buggered from my shift, any help would be great. Failing this, I just hope that nobody is there to see Tool, and I'll easily find a parking spot when I get there (hahahahaha, yeah right).

Please help me. :(

Of course, this is if I survive till then, working in 41 degree heat tommorow, holy fuck........ (I love it how I'm getting paid more to work in the colder weather though, haha)

January 28th, 2007

Only in Japan

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

This isn't photoshopped, this is a screenshot from an anime I've been watching, haha. Also as for my weekend, friday night with Liz in Northbridge and me and Rhys getting very drunk and having lots of fun at Sin tonight, also throughout the weekend, many people have bugged me on myspace and livejournal for industries, so I'll do my best to pick some up this week. Man, I really need to use this day to recover or I'll die from a very delicious suicide. XD

January 23rd, 2007

Fuck your festival

To anyone telling me how great BDO is, hahaha. This is a real festival, Coachella 2007Collapse )

January 10th, 2007

Raving on and on

I love it how I always claim to leave the rave scene, Sunrise I met possibly the best bunch of ravers ever then, now this happensCollapse )

January 7th, 2007

Happy Fucking Birthday

Oh and I'm 21 today, w00t. *pictures me and Rhys gurning and singing happy fucking birthday @ Sunrise* lol.

I've got a day of DDR and internet shopping planned (I'm buying all my presents, haha), possibly cake and go karting later, I've got to get up @ 6am tommorow, so nothing big planned today. On a more serious note, I've got a lot of fun things this month, especially Aidan getting back, today may mean little to me, but this month will mean a lot. :)

EDIT: I have motherfuckin' snakes on a motherfuckin' plane!!!!!

January 2nd, 2007

They say you don't need drugs to have a good time at a rave, this wasn't one of those raves, hahaha. With the playground closed off, sound turned down due to noise complaints, ridiculous vandalism and just a really wanky crowd of kids who think they're hardcore, have little respect for people, property or anything that isn't PenDUlUm!!1!!11!! That said, it was ok, but from what I heard it promised so much more, but to Force's credit, all these things were out of their control. There was a certain negative incident that I'll be saving for my next post, I seriously can not believe I can have more distrust and disrespect for this person then ever, anyways enough bitching back to the PLUR.

However, a massive thanks to Rhys for actually wanting to come with me and organising stuff. Also I think it was really a night I discovered how much of a great guy he was, I have a lot of respect for anyone who can withstand that many Combichrist, Gothsicles and Noisuf-X references, you fucking rock. Massive thanks to all of his friends he brought down, despite not knowing me or me knowing them, they were extremely nice to me, even when not on pills as well, I thought you all looked fucking gorgeous (so many hairfalls *drools*, cyberkittens > kandiwhores)and you were all great fun, you all know who you are and I do look forward to a rave with you all sometime in the future and if you're interested, you are all definitely invited to my 21st very soon. Also to all of my friends that I've accumulated throughout raving, you guys were lots of fun too.

As for now, I'm 90% recovered, with just a few slight appetite and energy problems. Not looking forward to going back to work, so there are plans to see some of you soon during the break, I'm also trying to organise another gathering in the near future, provided that everyone doesn't pike like last time..........

Loveshine to all. <3
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